Saturday, December 24, 2011

A year ago I sat at our Christmas Eve service at church. I sat the entire service, not standing to sing, just sitting. Brian let me trade in going to see a movie for going to church for the Christmas service. Last year I had lost all my hope. We has been blindsided with so many things and I had given up hope and was just dwelling on getting through each day, not even dreaming of what my son would be when we was older, or dreaming of days with him. We were in limbo waiting to see if Gray had some medical issues himself instead of just my issues. But the message last Christmas brought back my hope

This year we went to service as a family. I held my son in my arms and shared with him the tradition of church on Christmas Eve. And then Kathryn took the stage, the first time in a while since she’s been battling some vocal issues this year. It was amazing to see her back up on stage, and I was so excited for Gray to hear Auntie Kathryn sing. And sing she did, a song that brought me to tears as I held my son. 

This song is stuck in my head. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Especially this part:

I am not brave, I’ll never be, the only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I’m just a girl, nothing more, but I am willing I am yours.

I’m not sure what it means, the fact that I can’t get this out of my head. But I’m sure the next few days will pull out the meaning. Funny how a song can do this to you.

I’ll keep you updated.

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