A Different Celebration - Day 80

I’ve started the post about 100 times in my head and on

paper, but none of the beginnings seem right. It’s hard to jump into this in
the middle so I’ll take you back to a year and two days ago. That’s when
Grayson and I got to take our first ambulance ride and the day that the doctors
were sure would be Gray’s birthday.

Since the moment I had been put on bedrest, we had been
wondering when Gray would arrive. Medicine said he should have a March
birthday, but what was really going to happen? 

On January 8^th, I went into labour - hard labour.
I was rushed to the best hospital in Canada for preemie babies, they threw
every doctor at us that we may encounter if Gray were to arrive and they were
sure that he would. They didn’t try and stop my labour. They believed that if
my body was fighting that much there must be a reason so they helped me rest
and hoped that my body would calm down and Gray would stay put. 

A year ago today, the doctor who admitted us returned from
his day off walked into our room and exclaimed “You’re still pregnant?!?!” in
complete disbelief. Medicine had no idea how I could still be pregnant after
everything that I had been through. I spent close to 48 hours on a morphine
drip with some strong tranquilizers mixed in to see if that would relax my body
enough to keep G where he was. They administered every medication they could to
make sure he was strong and healthy, as strong and healthy as a baby can be at
29 weeks. But in the end they had no idea how I could still be pregnant and how
we weren’t standing in the NICU watching our preemie fight to survive. 

What medicine struggles to understand is that God has
perfect timing. Brian and I have always stood on the belief that God’s perfect
timing will prevail in our lives. We may have plans, but God is the one who has
full control over every aspect of our life.

From the moment we found out we were pregnant we knew it was
God’s timing and not ours. As we started our journey through bedrest we stood
on that; we knew that however uncertain things were, God brought us this far in
our pregnancy and he would deliver Gray to us at the perfect time. 

For the 48+ hours we spend in the L&D ICU, we knew God
had set angels around us. If it had been Grayson’s time to be born we knew he
would be strong and healthy and whole, but if not then we would make it
through. 

Grayson held on for another 3 weeks. After a week in the
hospital, they let me go home to bed, strict bedrest, not getting up for
anything but the washroom. When I went into labour for a second time 2 weeks
after getting home, we headed to the hospital again. 48 hours later they
thought they had my labour stopped again, but then my water broke and there was
no going back. God had perfect timing and although we had a few hiccups in the
NICU, Grayson was one of the healthiest babies the doctors and nurses had ever
seen for being born 8 weeks early. 

There were days on our journey that I wondered; that I let
the darkness get to me. But in those 48 hours I let it all go, and just put my
trust in the Great Physician.

I challenge you to think today; are you trusting in God’s
perfect timing, or are you trying to dictate your own? If it’s the latter, I
hope that you’ll seek him and let go of the human desire for control. He will
bring you all that you need and more in his perfect timing. 

Grayson the day he arrived.

 

Health and Wellness Thursdays - My 2012 Goal

My bloggy friend Michelle is doing a Thursday feature about health and wellness. So as part of that I’m going to let all of you in on my 2012 project to get my body back.

In 2011my main focus was to grow a healthy baby and give him everything I had, and I put myself on the back burner. So now it’s 2012, and I need to get my body back to where I would like it to be.

I used to dance liek crazy. 20+ hours a week through highschool, so I not used to my body being like this. I know I'm not going to get back to what I was before we were married, or before I was pregnant, but I am excited to get back to a place where I feel great. For me it's about feeling I look great, and feeling great than just the numbers. 

Part of this is Grayson, and part of it is me. Gray can’t have formula, well he can, but it’s very expensive and he would probably not react well to it so we have never tried. We know he’s good with milk, so we keep it up. I’ve been on medication for the past 8 months to make sure he’s getting enough. It’s really common for preemie moms to not have a great supply. Your hormone levels don’t get as high as they would if you went full term, and so your body has to work harder to make milk. So I went on meds to make sure I could get G enough milk. The meds cause you to gain weight, in a round about way. The meds cause your stomach to empty faster than normal; it was created for people with acid reflux who can’t take other meds because they cause a bad interaction. So it’s great for people who take 10mg, but I take 120mg a day. So because it empties your stomach more often you’re hungry more often. I can deal with not eating just because I’m hungry, but this becomes pass out hungry, not just a bit hungry.

I also stopped working out, because the spike in testosterone can decrease your supply as well.

 So the past year has been hard. Gray is going to be a year at the end of this month, and we can start introducing goat’s milk, and I hope that we’ll be able to continue with some beast milk until he’s a year corrected, March 24^th.

My intention is to lose about 30 to 35lbs in the 12 months. I’m not going to make a goal of 6 months, or 8 months. I don’t want to drop weight to just drop weight, I want to do it in a healthy way and in a way that I’ll keep it off.

So every week from now until December I’ll take a picture wearing the same clothes to show my progress. And I’ll let you know what I’ve done to stay healthy that week.

So here we are:

I am not proud of these pictures at all! I‘m sure you can tell that by my face. This is now how I see myself, this is now how I want to be but I will change it in 2012.

This week I dragged my sister to yoga on Tuesday night. Not much this week with Brian being off this week, but it’s a start. I’ll be going to spinning with my sister tomorrow morning bright and early. And we bought a new running stroller this week, so hopefully Gray and I can get out once a weekend for a run, maybe even with Brian.

What are you doing this year to become a better you?

Link up, let us know.

 

finally

I made it. cardio and then yoga with my bestie.

Great Music - Day 73

Today is the first day back at work after 10 days off, and it's a busy day. I have been in a bit of a funk lately; getting ready for busy season at work, and Grayson not sleeping as well this past week. So after getting back to my desk after my pumping break and feeling like I wanted to explode, I pulled out my phone, threw my headphones in and put some worship music on.

Thank goodness for technology and the ability to carry great music with me where ever I go. A 20 minute burst of some great worship songs completely turned my day around.

 

 

Google - Day 72

I have to say Google is one of my favourite things. I use it constantly at work, and more and more at home these days.

Today I decided to Google how to get my white nursing undershirts a bit whiter. After rotating between 5 of them for the past few months at work they’re not looking as white as they used to.

Google to the rescue!

I followed the instructions on a few different sites and voila. After soaking my shirts in some dishwasher detergent, hot water and lemon juice they came out of the wash looking so much better.

 

Winter has arrived in full force now. And it’s gorgeous outside the kitchen window. I love seeing the pure white snow on the deck and landing on the pine trees in the back yard. It’s a great way to welcome in the New Year.

I’m updating the blog as much as I can today and adding some new pages. Be sure to check it out over the next week as Brian and I get things up and live.

We’re praying blessings over all of you in 2012. More than you could imagine.

 

11 of 2011

Looking back over the last year so many things have happened. It has been by far the hardest year of my life. It has also brought me the biggest source of joy I could have ever asked for.

Here are 11 of my best memories for 2011. 

Welcome to my world Grayson

After hours (well weeks) of labour and hours of pushing, I was finally able to hold my son. The moment my water broke I let go of all the fear I had been holding on to, and decided to get excited about holding my son soon. After Gray was born, and the medical team made sure that he was okay, they let me hold him for a moment before they took him to the NICU. That moment made the whole process worth it. It made the 11 weeks of bedrest, the 4 weeks of labour, it made everything worth it to know that he was okay and he was here. 

Our first family photo.

Gray was about 12 hours old, after some napping I finally made it back to the NICU. My parents had arrived and helped me get to Gray. This was the first time I held my son other than the few moments I had just after he was born.

Transformation

The day Grayson was born I saw a huge transformation in Brian. He went from holding babies for less than an hour total, to changing diapers and giving Grayson his first bath. Brian was there every moment never missing anything. I’m so blessed to have been able to spend those 5 weeks with my boys. 

My 20$ bean!

Gray was 4 weeks old when this picture was taken. Most of our family and friends hadn’t been able to make it to the hospital. Most of them had never seen a baby as small as Gray, and it was a little hard to understand proportions when Brian is so large that Gray sometimes looked like a normal size baby compared to him. So one night we decided to take some pictures of Gray with 20$ bills. This picture will always remind me how tiny he once was. My little 5lb Grayson has gotten so big. 

First day home

After 33 days in the hospital we were finally able to bring our boy home. Its seemed so surreal that we were parents to this little man and now in charge of him 100%.  That first day Gray hung out in his bouncy chair watching Brian catch up on work from the last 5 weeks while Brian let me sleep in our big comfy bed. 

Family Traditions

My family tradition is to dedicate our babies after their born. I was the first baby dedicated at our church 27 years ago, and on Mother’s Day this year we dedicated Grayson. It’s not about dedicating our child’s life to God, but about dedicating ourselves to raising our child seeking God’s wisdom and grace. I had been waiting for this day from the moment we found out we were pregnant; from the moment we decided to start our family. 

A new Ritual

Brian and I spent many a Saturday morning walking around the market getting fresh veggies for the week. Now we get to do that with Gray. It was a perfect family moment to walk around the market thinking about how next year Gray can pick his own veggies to eat or flowers from the flower stand. And possibly enjoy an apple fritter with maple syrup. 

Enjoying our little piece of the world

Brian has been enjoying Ernst Island since his first summer. I think it’s the one place Brian was most excited to take Grayson to. We took a mini vacation this summer, a 9 hour car ride with a 5 month old, and spent 4 nights in the middle of nowhere, in a place where our blackberries didn’t work, and enjoyed the solitude as a family. I’m excited to see Gray grow up on the Island. See what creatures he comes home with, possibly swimming with the loons just like Gemma does. I have a feeling we’ll be there as often as we can. 

September 23^rd

Well we were one day shy of 6 months corrected, but I think it was okay that we cheated by a day. We made it to his first food, his first nourishment other than just from me. It was such a huge day for us. It meant that I had succeeded in making it to almost 8 month without having to supplement with formula at all. 

Sitting

The day Grayson decided to sit up was an amazing day. We had been working on it for months. At his 4 month corrected development apt our worker commented that we needed to work on sitting since he was a bit behind. His 8 month appointment was fast approaching and he still wasn’t sitting. I was starting to get a bit worried. And then he showed us all, not only did he sit up, he sat up for about 10 minutes straight. 

Slippery Bean

We took Grayson tobogganing for the first time this week. He and Brian had a ton of fun sliding down some of the hills at the school in our back yard. And for me it was a glimpse of the future will hold for us. The days spent in the snow tobogganing or skiing as a family. The big smiles and rosy cheeks that we’ll get at the front door after an afternoon building snowmen. It’s a future I’m greatly looking forward to.

2011 has been a difficult year of ups and downs. But 2012 is a blank canvas that we can fill however we want. I’m looking forward to more time in the snow this winter, another trip to the Island and making memories that will last a lifetime. 

What are you looking foward to most in 2012?

 

OmeRoni - Day 69

I'm vlogging my 100 days today.





Leave a comment if you want to wish Omer and Roni a Happy Birthday with me.




 

I’m posting over on Jessi’s blog today.

Go check it out.

11 things in 11 months.