A New Adventure

So today we started a new adventure.

Cloth Diapers! 

We had decided long ago that cloth diapers were in our future, we just had to decide if we were going to do our own or use a local service. So after going through the numbers and comparing the work and financial aspect we decided that we could wash our own and save a bit more cash in the long run after having a few kids through diapers. 

The research started and we decided what brand we wanted to go with and registered for them at our local cloth diaper store. And as a surprise just before Christmas my sister showed up with a whole set of diapers for us. She had purchased the entire set of the smallest diapers we had registered for, including liners and covers. She’s such a blessing!

Well Gray arrived 2 months early and about 5lbs smaller than we anticipated, and 5lbs too small to use the diapers that were so graciously bought for us. So for the last 12 weeks we have be using disposable diapers. I’m not 100% against disposable diapers. They do have their place, like when we go to Mexico we’ll use disposables for the week, or up at the island where we don’t have access to our washer and dryer. But I prefer not to have so much waste especially the kind of waste produced by disposable diapers. I have had quite a few people comment that I’m ‘granola’ or crazy for wanting to do cloth, but I made a commitment to start my son’s life with the smallest carbon footprint that I could.

So since he’s way way way too small for the cloth diapers that we have, I decided to keep looking to see if there were some cloth diapers that were smaller. And I found them! Last night I went out and looked at some preemie/newborn diapers and they’re perfect. Gray is still wearing the newborn pampers and the tabs on them touch in the middle! He’s a very skinny boy. The investment we had made in disposable diapers in the last 6 weeks since we’ve been home from the hospital is less than the cost of the cloth diapers that will fit him now. I can only imagine how much more I would be spending on disposable diapers before he fits into the cloth diapers we already have when they’re bigger that the newborn disposables if the tabs aren’t touching. 

So here we are – all our goodies for cloth diapers. I still have to get some more covers; some of the ones we got didn’t fair to well in the dryer due to a flaw in the production. So we’re off to get some new ones tomorrow. 

And here is Mr. Bean in his first cloth diaper. He looks oh so cute! And way skinny in this photo.

Productive?!?!

During 12 weeks on bedrest I was able to be super productive during the days at home in bed. I would usually work my butt off during the mornings and get all my work done for the day by lunch and then nap, and after my nap respond to emails and still be done most everything by the time B got home from work. 

This has changed dramatically! 

During our time in the NICU I tried my hardest to get as much done as I could, and was very thankful for a boss that wasn’t too pushy while we were in the hospital and totally understood the days when I just couldn’t concentrate. As much as we ‘just sat around’ the NICU we really didn’t. We would be up every few minutes to keep G quiet or change a diaper, or rub his back or grab the nurse to reset his IV pump. It would take us two hours to get through a 40 minute episode of Lost some days. 

Well now we’re home and I’m back into work mode. At least I’m in work mode, Gray doesn’t seem to understand that I do have some work to do during the day. It hasn’t been easy to find a few moments to pop off some emails or put out fires. I feel super lucky that at the moment he’s actually upstairs sleeping in his crib for a bit. 

The problem comes when B gets home and makes me feel super guilty for having to do some work in the evenings because Gray hasn’t allowed me the time to work during the day. I love B to bits, but I hate that he makes me feel like crap when I have to do an hour of work, when he’ll come home and work all evening. I have no problem with him working in the evenings if he has to. 

Well back to get some work done before G wakes up. I can’t tell if that’s him waking up or just the wind rattling the trees and barbeque cover.

Perspective

I was at physio this week and my therapist commented that I seem so calm for a mom of a preemie. It’s not the first time someone has made a comment about our calmness or ease during this hard time. I know that if they had been through everything that we have been through since July 12^th they would understand our attitude; they would have a different perspective.

Our lives have been such a rollercoaster since we found out that Gray was going to be joining our family. At 21 weeks along I was put on bedrest praying that we would make it to 24 weeks. And then in the hospital at 29 weeks in preterm labour with the doctors sure that Gray would arrive that weekend and amazed that I was still pregnant a week later.

It’s not that I’ve been all sunshine and roses through all of this, but when I think of the alternatives, having a baby at 24 weeks, or 29 weeks or anywhere in between, the fact that Grayson decided to wait until 32 weeks changed a lot of what we had been prepared for by the medical team.

When we spent a week in Hamilton at 29 weeks the medical team there prepared us for what it would be like if Gray arrived then. That we would have to scrub up to our elbows and don gowns and masks and gloves in order to be able to enter the NICU. That we wouldn’t be able to hold him at first, he would be on a ventilator for possibly a few weeks. They gave us the worst case scenario. It was pretty scary but I had my husband and my family and I knew that we had a lot of support. And I had my faith, and I truly believe that we made it that far and Grayson would survive and thrive.

So after those few days, Grayson arriving at 32 weeks put us in a whole different place. When we went into labour at 32 weeks Hamilton didn’t have a bed for us because we were too far along and they had to save the bed for someone who wasn’t at 32 weeks yet. The hospital we spent 4 and a half weeks at didn’t have babies younger than Grayson unless they were transferred in from Sick Kids hospital once they were stable. We were in a completely different space then we were if Gray arrived at 29 weeks, physically and mentally. That doesn’t mean that we didn’t have any stress, and all our days were carefree. We just reminded ourselves, and the other parents reminded us to be thankful that G waited a bit longer. We had two sets of twins in our area that we born between 27 and 29 weeks, and had struggled. I saw the strength that they had and their parents had and if they could be strong and positive in their situation, I knew that I could as well.

My perspective now is so different then it was before. I’ve seen Gray go through some hard times. Being on a ventilator and having to have lumbar punctures, and lots and lots of blood work, and now I see him half sleeping on the couch while I type away. I know that Gray is a strong little man, and will fight through anything that comes up against him. Even sleep at the moment.

I think as an outsider looking in this journey could be really overwhelming, but just like any other journey we’re taking it day by day. I’m just choosing to be as calm as I can. From my perspective that’s the best thing I can do.

 

 

Today is my due date.

July 2010

Back in July we were looking forward to this day – hoping we would be meeting our babE sometime soon, and wondering if he or she would share their birthday with my sister who’s also a March baby. In November we were praying to make it to March 1^st, to make it to 36 weeks, to be able to deliver in Guelph as we originally planned rather than at another hospital. Today we’re holding our little boy, and celebrating that he’s almost 2 months old. In July, March seemed so far away, and today it feels like it came way too soon. 

March 2011

I’m so thankful that we’ve gotten an extra 8 weeks with Gray, but at the same time I wonder what would have happened if he had decided to keep cooking a while longer. Would he have been the 12lbs they anticipated? Would he have had even more hair – as if that was possible! Where would he have fit! Would he have less struggles with eating and digesting, or would he still have had issues? 

March 24^th will one day become just another day in the year, but I think for a few years I will always remember it as Gray’s due date. A day when it’s okay to be a little nostalgic.

 

 

Our First Family Day

Good Afternoon!

We’re celebrating our first Family day as 3 instead of just two. We’re also celebrating being one step closer to taking Grayson home. 

The doctor has decided to stop the caffeine that Gray was on today, and see how he does without it. We’ve been waiting for this day, and we can start the countdown to possibly bringing Grayson home. Gray has to be off the caffeine and not have any breathing episodes for 7 days before we can start thinking of going home. So now we wait and see how he is. 

He has been doing a lot better feeding. He is up to the full amount that the doctors need him to be eating every 3 hours, and hasn’t had an issue with intolerance since he was taking off his feeds last week. We’ve also been given the go ahead to start teaching him how to nurse again. It’s going slowly but we’re sure that he’ll get there soon.

We are hopeful that we’ll be home for the first Sunday in March. That we’ll be celebrating his first Sunday at church and celebrating Koinonia’s 27^th anniversary on the same day.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support. The last 15 weeks have been a journey and we’re excited for what the next weeks and years will bring.

Blessings,

Jacqueline and Brian

And Grayson too.

 

One Week Old

So yesterday Grayson was a week old! It’s hard to believe – the time seems to have flown by. 

He has been doing really well. He had a few off days this week. On Thursday he forgot to breathe for a bit, and kept having episodes, so the Paediatrician on call that night decided to put him on a ventilator for a bit to see if we could get things under control. They did a full work up of blood work and a lumbar puncture, to see if they could find out what was going on.  They also started him on some antibiotics. By Friday morning he was doing much better. They had administered some caffeine as they thought the culprit might be Apnea of prematurity. 

Just like Apnea in adults, you stop breathing for a bit, however the reason for this is that Gray’s brain hasn’t fully developed, so he forgets to breathe – literally. The caffeine keeps his mind alert and reminds him to breathe. Since Friday he hasn’t had an episode and has been doing really well.

Gray had quite a bit of jaundice, but the photo-therapy has been doing it’s job. He is still under the lights for a bit – his levels went up a bit today, but that’s not unexpected at all. Most preemies have jaundice because they’re body just isn’t ready to handle everything at once. 

Gray was feeding really well, but after his episode the doctors decided to back off the feeds and keep the IV nutrients going. Because of this I have a bit more freedom to leave the hospital. 

The staff here in Brampton have been amazing. They communicate really well with us, and making sure that we know everything they’re doing. The Paediatrician Dr Gupta is fantastic – he’s keeping a really good eye on things. He’s making sure that they’re not giving him too much medication. 

I am doing great after a pretty stressful delivery. I’m almost back to the usual me. Brian has gotten a hotel room about 15 minutes away, so I have been staying there the last few nights getting some good sleep. Once he’s feeding 100% on milk and up to nursing full time, I’ll be at the hospital nursing every 3 to 4 hours. So I’m taking this opportunity to get out and get some good sleep.

 

As Brian has said it feels a bit surreal since we’re not his primary caregivers right now. We get to leave, and we’re not having to get up at 3am with a screaming baby. Once we’re home it will sink it a lot more. 

We’re unsure how long we’ll be in Brampton, or if the blips he’s had this week mean that we’re not able to be transferred to GrandRiver. Hopefully in the next few days the doctors will be able to readjust the plan. 

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Feel free to email us anytime. We’re here. 

Blessings - love you lots, 

Jacqueline, Brian and Grayson.

Caffeine

You would not believe the number of time my family doctor reminded me that caffeine was not allowed during my pregnancy. Not one cup a day, not just an ounce; None!. I was pretty good at following his rules and read up on the studies he was talking about. And I do understand why he said it. 

Now that we’re on the other side of things I understand that caffeine can affect G to now that he’s getting 100% mommy juice. Can you say exhausted Jac!

But now I’m throwing caution to the wind and having my daily coffee. After all G is getting straight caffeine put into his IV once a day. The same amount if not more than what is in a large Tim Horton’s coffee. They’re giving my 5 day old preemie caffeine. I think the amount he gets from my milks is negligible now, considering the small amount that actually passes through. 

Who would have thought giving baby caffeine would be humane. Oh well, coffee here I come. 

 

32 weeks and 3 days

babE Grayson decided that his end goal was 32 weeks. So after a few long days, Grayson David Richard Ernst joined our family at 3:45am on Sunday January 30^th weighing 5lbs 10oz, and 19.5 inches long. 

Friday morning I started contracting again, and called Dr. Newell – she sent us to go and get checked out – she wasn’t too worried as the contractions were still more than 25 minutes apart, so we waited until Brian got home from work and headed to Guelph. Well by the time we got there they were about 7 minutes apart. The OB on call checked us out, and started the search for a hospital that would be able to handle both Grayson and I if the preterm labour didn’t stop. Grand River’s L&D was full, as were most of the hospitals in the area. So after 2 hours, and the OB on call calling in a favour with another OB here in Brampton, we were transported to Brampton Civic by ambulance, lights and sirens going most of the way. 

We spent early Saturday morning in the L&D triage waiting for the contractions to stop or do something. This L&D was not as comfortable as others, but at about 9 am we were able to go to the ward and be observed as it looked like everything had calmed down. Just like in Hamilton we thought we would be there for a bit, or maybe a while, but hoping to that we would get a few more weeks. Things were going really well, until 2:15pm when my water broke. Total shock, since I hadn’t had a contraction in about 5 hours. So by 4pm we were in L&D hooked up to monitors and iv’s and talking about oxytocin.  

I wont to into all the details, if you want them read the blog in a few days or a week when I have time to put it all in a nice eloquent tale. But after a few hours of hard labour, an epidural, and a lot of discomfort, Grayson arrived to a room full of doctors and nurses ready to take care of him. 

He cried a beautiful cry letting me know he was okay, and after they cleaned him up a bit and weighed him and got his measurements done, I even got to hold him for a minute before they took him to the NICU. A lot more than Brian and I had expected. We thought we would be looking at our son for the first time as he was wheeled out of the room to the NICU. 

He’s just over 84 hours old now, and doing really well. He’s been off supplemental oxygen for almost 80 hours. He’s learning how to nurse, and taking a bottle really well. We have to wait to see what his blood work comes back with, but right now he’s doing pretty darn great. 

 

We’re able to hold him, and feed him and snuggle him. And all I can say is thank goodness he’s big, and healthy, and thank you for all your prayer.

We’re starting a new journey now; one of making sure we’re doing what’s best and getting him big and strong. The doctors and nurses here are great, and very good at explaining everything that they are doing and what their hopes are for Gray based on how old he is and how he’s doing. It is a bit deceptive when you look at him because he looks like a tiny full term baby, but he is only 32 weeks gestation. So we are being careful not to stress him too much or ask too much of him. 

Thank you for all of your prayers and support over the last 11 weeks of bedrest. Now we start the weeks of growing Grayson into the strong boy God created him to be. 

I’m so thankful for my faith and all of you who support us. We knew he would be born healthy and whole, we just didn’t know the timing, Well God has perfect timing, and he kept his promise, and delivered us a healthy baby boy. 

We love you all, and can’t wait to see you holding our son.

Blessings, 

Jacqueline and Brian

And Grayson too.

 

Just the Beginning

I feel like I’m often apologizing for not posting as often as I feel I should be. Not sure why I feel I should post more – it’s my blog, so I’m in charge. Oh well. 

We have had a very adventurous 6 days. The very best part being that Grayson arrived in the middle of all of it. 

Grayson David Richard joined our family at 3.45am on January 30^th, 2011. He weighed 5lbs, 10oz, and is 19.5 inches long. 

He is more than I could have hoped or dreamed for. He had the perfect first cry, and big eyes looking at me when I held him for the first time. 

I will post our whole adventure soon; as soon as I can get through it without crying at every turn. It’s a bit hard to be eloquent when you’re balling your eyes out and can’t see the screen anymore. 

A friend of my mother in law sent this little message to Grayson when she heard of his arrival. 

May he touch fireflies and stars, dance with puppies and talk to the man in the moon. May he grow up joyful, surrounded in love and gracious hearts.  Welcome to the world, Grayson.  It's been waiting for you! 

 

Not sure I have anything to add to that, again trying to see through the tears. 

I can’t wait to introduce you all to Grayson over the next weeks and months, and years. Keep reading, this is just the beginning of our adventure with our babEblessing.